Eat me, Oprah

Oprah Winfrey is fat again, and claims that there are foods that she simply cannot stop eating once she starts. In her honour, here is the list of....

Things I cannot stop eating once I start

1. cheese. it could have its own sublist. it could have its own blog.


2. chips. or as the Brits would call them, crisps. fat and salt, yeah.


3. peanut m and m's. but only the peanut variety. anything else i can take it or leave it.


4. jelly beans.


5. anything that is mopping up gravy - could be bread, mashed potato, etc. I think i mean i can't stop eating gravy


6. fat-free, wheat-free, gluten-free soy health thingos.


7. number 6 was a lie. could you tell?


8. mettwurst


9. hot roast chicken


10. cashews


11. peanut butter straight from the jar


12. olives


13. artichoke hearts


14. liquorice - inability to stop eating this is probably a bad thing

i'm off for a snack now......

Tips for Restauranteurs

Some helpful style/service suggestions for wait staff in a restaurant/cafe:

1. Don't keep asking me if I want another drink - alcoholic or otherwise. If I want it, I can ask.
2. Don't hover at our table, pouring top-ups into our wine glasses from our bottle. It's our bottle, we can pour it. Plus, if we're having one of those (rare) nights when we care about how much we're drinking, it's hard to keep track when you do that.
3. Don't come up and ask me, halfway through the meal, and ask 'is everything OK here?' Assume it is. Know that if it's not all OK, I'll tell you.
4. Don't come around waving that massive phallic pepper grinder over my meal.
5. Don't whisk my plate away the moment I've finished eating, especially if the other people on my table are still eating. That's just rude.
6. Ask me if I want coffee or another drink as soon as you take my plate away. Don't make me try to flag you down like a taxi. Or look around for a phone number so I can call you to place an order.
7. Don't get all defensive and make excuses if you or someone else stuffs up. Just apologise and fix it.

Of course, none of these rules apply if you're Hott Brian. Then, feel free to do whatever.

For additional brownie points, feel free to pretend to be Captain Jack Sparrow. Especially you, Brian.

Things I'd like for my birthday

Not intended as any kind of shopping list/gift register. More like the wish list....

1. Time - the ultimate thing that you kinda can't buy.
   
2. A lime tree
   
3. And a lemon tree
   
4. All the other bits to make my lovely little citrus sitting down relaxing corner of the world
   
5. More Ally McBeal DVDs than you can poke a micromini at
   
6. Around a zillion dollars of Itunes store credit
   
7. And a zillion dollars of dollars
   
8. A night with Robbie Williams. For conversation only, of course.
   
9. A holiday in the sun. Robbie can come to that, too.
   
10. Singstar Rocks! Without the glitches, please
    
11. Bubbles, and other happy beverages
    
12. Cheese. Please.
    
13. A night with Johnny Depp. And the other pirates...
    
    

I'm gonna add to this one, as the day draws closer.