Some helpful style/service suggestions for wait staff in a restaurant/cafe:
- Don't keep asking me if I want another drink - alcoholic or otherwise. If I want it, I can ask.
- Don't hover at our table, pouring top-ups into our wine glasses from our bottle. It's our bottle, we can pour it. Plus, if we're having one of those (rare) nights when we care about how much we're drinking, it's hard to keep track when you do that.
- Don't come up and ask me, halfway through the meal, and ask 'is everything OK here?' Assume it is. Know that if it's not all OK, I'll tell you.
- Don't come around waving that massive phallic pepper grinder over my meal.
- Don't whisk my plate away the moment I've finished eating, especially if the other people on my table are still eating. That's just rude.
- Ask me if I want coffee or another drink as soon as you take my plate away. Don't make me try to flag you down like a taxi. Or look around for a phone number so I can call you to place an order.
- Don't get all defensive and make excuses if you or someone else stuffs up. Just apologise and fix it.
Of course, none of these rules apply if you're Hott Brian. Then, feel free to do whatever.
For additional brownie points, feel free to pretend to be Captain Jack Sparrow. Especially you, Brian.
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